I remember the time when I was clueless about discipleship - every time a discipleship session came around, I was nervous (if I had to share a word or recite a scripture), I was reluctant (because I usually wasn't ready), I didn't exactly like it (because I was nervous and reluctant)
Then as I advanced in my spiritual life, I became used to discipleship. I took it as a routine, as a time of sharing, a time of building, but I remember not always looking forward to discipleship because of the impact of the lessons I'd have to learn each time we had a session - due to my short-tempered-ness, pride and arrogance, it was.. hard! I recall a lot of anger, irritation, rebellion which came to the point of much undesired verbal disputes and resulted in nights of guilt.
Now, I'm not saying discipleship is bad! Let me finish. Note I mentioned, due to my personal issues, discipleship was hard. Contrary to how I used to feel about discipleship not too long ago, I have learned to not just appreciate it, but love it and desire for it.
So how did I come from boring, frustrating and guilt-trip to appreciate it, love it, desire it?
Well.. could be many factors. Could be I've grown to be more teachable... could be I've been built-up many times in discipleship.. but also could be the discipler =)
Sounds like I'm trying to butter up to my discipler, does it? I will talk about my discipler in the next post haha
I have come to discover and embrace discipleship as quality time spent with people close to me, where we get to share our life experiences, what we've learned, what we heard from God; a place of building character, building personality, building passion; a group where I really feel loved, where we can pray for one another, where things are revealed and we can be sure it will remain P&C.
It's very hard to explain clearly how differently I perceive discipleship as compared to before.. it's so different, I really cannot believe it myself.
I really have no message of moral to my post today, just felt like voicing out my thoughts on the subject (which I normally don't do, voicing out that is). But even so, I hope my post encourages my readers and sheds new light on matters they may not have been clear about.
God, thank You for discipleship.
2 comments:
haha talking about nervous when wanna share a word....for me I CRIED because I didn't have anything to share....i actually felt pretty embarrassed by it haha...oh well...yeah discipleship RAWKS! (wish they have it here..hiks)
i remember those times in sem2&3 when i wasn't in any discipleship group...it was really tough because i felt i was floating around. sure, i was working on building my relationship with God but with no one to share with or be accountable to or be challenged by...it was tough la. after a tearful discussion with my former discipler, we decided that i should go get myself back into a discipleship cell. and i did. and i am always irritated, challenged, pushed and squeezed with every word shared...but i've never been happier and growing-er. hehe.
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